Quotes from Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

I don't get no respect

It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.

In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

I can't get no respect.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.

Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.