Quotes from Groucho Marx

Estos son mis principios; si no le gustan, tengo otros

I wish I'd been a Hell-raiser when I was 30 years old. I tried when I was 50 but I always got sleepy.

I do not want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member.

If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

Now that I had become a man (with a leaky fountain pen to prove it), I was ready to take on the world.

Ela está tão apaixonada por mim que não quer saber de mais nada. É por isso que está apaixonada por mim.

Die in the West and you're halfway to Heaven.

Éstos son mis principios; si no le gustan, tengo otros.

i miei progetti sono ancora in Embrione: non so se ci sei mai stato, è un sobborgo della metropoli delle pie illusioni. Attualmente sono immerso anima e corpo in Casablanca, un'avventura appassionante. Mi alzo ogni mattina alle sette, sferro alla sveglia un calcio nei cosiddetti e volo allo studio. ...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.