Quotes from Groucho Marx

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Since my little daughter is only half Jewish, would it be alright if she went into the pool only up to her waist?

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills

Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you

There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

A man who says he can see through a woman is missing a lot.-Groucho Marx A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?