Quotes from Ogden Nash

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath.

Neath tile or thatch That man is rich Who has a scratch For every itch.

The old men know when an old man dies.

The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.

Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

O money, money, money. I'm not necessarily one of those who think thee holy, but I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly.

The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.

Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

Miranda in Miranda's sight is old, gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she was last night; This morning she is thirty.

Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can't get your fingers on him.

Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But I like an orgy, once in a while.

Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.

Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.

Humor is the best means of surviving in a difficult world.

No man is greater than his respect for sleep.

It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts, That all sin is divided into two parts. One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important