Quotes from Bill Maher

I love trains. It's the only way to travel anymore where it doesn't involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh.

Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.

Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance

Men are only as loyal as their options.

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.

Abstinence is a perversion.

The Senate decided they will be smoke-free. They ordained that all public areas in the Senate are now smoke-free. However, the senators themselves will still be allowed to blow smoke up each other's asses.

In this country you're guilty until proven wealthy.

Americans are gluttons. We shop with forklifts. We have a holiday where we stuff food into other food. Our strippers wrestle in Jell-O, where other countries have to use mud.

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Jim Bakker spells his name with 2 k's because 3 would be too obvious.

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

[On surveillance of Americans] We're not just changing how we live, we're changing human nature itself. . . . When everything is recorded, there isn't any right and wrong for its own sake. It's just caught and uncaught.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the 'will of the people' goes out the window.